This week, I had my visit to the Rheumy for my routine check up as the days approached I began to think of how far I’ve come.
In the overall scheme of things I’ve done more than I ever thought was possible. Each day I push myself to be the best that I can be. Don’t get me wrong there are certainly times when I throw a total diva strop about having to do those evil injections & about arthritis in general but for the most part my mission is to live life to the full.
So as the appointment date get’s closer I begin to evaluate the past few months. I always write a list of questions that I would like to ask & like most people I glance at the calendar to see how I’ve been feeling.
In my mind I built a big picture of how fantastic I feel & I’ve even managed to erase the bad days from my mind. Looking at the evidence in front me I had no option but to face up to reality I’ve my fair share of bad days. My mission - to go into my Rheumy with three little words "I’m doing great" but unfortunately that won’t be today.
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| “We must rediscover the distinction between hope and expectation.” ~Ivan Illich |
Heading to the appointment I build myself up I’m not sure what I'm expecting but after my appointment I feel deflated. In my mind I went thinking as I always do with that expectation that my Rheumy has all the answers including the one whereby I receive the magic potion where I’m free from arthritis.
No matter how many time’s I’ve seen my rheumy over the years I still leave disappointment and please don’t get me wrong my rheumy is fantastic he’s given me a new lease of life but I always leave feeling deflated.
I ask myself why I fell like this? Is it because for many years I was told I would grow out of JA ?Do I expect too much?Or maybe I forget my rheumy is not god he doesn’t have all the answers or at least the one I’m looking for the big C – Cure .
Am I alone in feeling like this ???
I've had JA since I was 7 and I'm nearly 27! I was told for most of my life that I would grow out of it and always wondered if anyone has? I moved to the UK a couple of years from Ireland and was already on Humira injections every 2nd week and weekly Methotrexate tablets. My NHS rheumy said their policy is to hit it hard so I had to take Humira every week and change to Methetrexate injections (same 25mg dose as the tablets but tablet strength gets reduced in your stomach so they're less effective). He dropped my Humira down each time I visited and now I'm back to every 2nd week same as I had been on in Ireland. This week I went to my NHS rheumy and told him I haven't had any trouble and I really couldn't believe I was saying it! This is the first time ever that I haven't had any problems with my JA.
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